Having a tough week...

I feel like someone recovering from a war
not sure if the wound received is fatal
feel older than my peers
eyes holding silent tears
looking from the outside in
like I no longer quit fit
how many around hold heavy scars?
so many broken hearts, so much pain
I feel a shell of myself
surrounded with all that was to be
once full of color, now barely black and white
painfully fading, yet mockingly present at the same time
the girl smiling in those pictures...
who is she?
I dont know that me anymore

there is an old picture of my mom...
young and in love
her wide eyes filled with wonder
her dreams hadn't been chrushed yet
it always made me sad...
how I wish she could stay that way...innocent
before the betrayals, the pain

I never thought that my girl would look at old pictures of her mom
and wonder that about me...

I remember feeling some days like I was a child playing house
I would confide this to Travis and we would laugh
I dont feel like a child anymore
I feel achingly like an adult
adn it sadly reminds me of a song that I wish I felt no connection to...
"Im not a princess, this isnt a fairytale..."
maybe there is no such thing as "Happily Ever After"
There is lots of hard work and hope
that your love will become something more...
more beautiful, more tender, stronger through time
trials adn tests of faith
and sometimes....those you had the most hope for..
are the ones that break your heart.

I never thought I would look back pictures of us
and envy the girl who didnt know that
Forever...didnt mean a thing.