Why?

I used to write poetry a long time ago as a way to heal from things....I haven't written any in years, but like I needed to get some things off of my heart....I'm sorry for those who will read this! It's not that good, but it made me feel better, so I guess (as poetry goes) it works!

Why? Why? Why?
Throbbing…pulsing…deep in my veins
Why? Why? Why?
Constant. Repeating.
The aching remains
How could you? How could she?
All that has been committed
All the things said by you…by her…by them…
Why? Why? Why?
How could you…..

I see you…deep down in your pit
Covered in your own soridness
Torn and broken by your choices
Eyes tormented…begging for mercy….help…
Save me from myself
Your hand reaches out
Hope soars in my heart
Short-lived
Your hand does not grasp mine
Empty words, empty promises slap my face into the dirt
Dragging me back into your ruin
Digging….angry words of malice
Making me replay those words…stop….don’t make me…

You’re worthless….argue….ugly….boring…all your fault….not worth fighting for…
Argue…not as funny as her….not as pretty….not worth begging for….stupid….
Dumb….how could you not have known….you cheated on him…had a baby with a friend….
Whore….uneducated…for him to be with you, he has to think of me….barren….worthless…
If you had been better at_____....you pushed him to this….he hates you….we laugh about you
Sent me a picture of you…ugly girl…..she’s my friend….yes I love her….I’m not choosing sides…
Leave her alone….he’ll always pick me…he tells me he loves me…stuck with you…getting out….
the things he has told me…ashamed to even call yourself a woman….
Lies…Lies…Lies
Everything sacred…every beautiful moment….marred…
Every kiss, every hug, every touch…..holding hands as we fall into sleep…
Why? How could you? Why?

I see you. Across the alter….eyes filling with tears…
Our hands grasp. Tenderness…love…kindness..hope…future…
It’s all there
I would never have believed…never
You’d be the one to tear me apart…
Cause me to fall upon my knees
Begging HIM to grant me peace
To end it…to let me be….

To tame the raging animal….clawing its way out….
Making my heart pound
Why? Why? Why?
The room spins, the pain. Raw. Too much to bear
I can feel it clawing. Make it stop!
So piercing. So hollow.
Empty. Burnt. Yearning. Gnawing. Finding its way out
I feel it war inside…feel it rage
Anguish…
Oh Travis….you were my husband….why?